Love At First Sight

not implying that i just set my eyes on a new girl..but it's the title of the translated poem by Polish poet Wislawa Szymborska, which was used in Turn Left, Turn Right.

They're both convinced
that a sudden passion joined them.
Such certainty is beautiful,
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they'd never met before,
they're sure that there'd been nothing between them.
But what's the word from the streets, staircases, hallways -
perhaps they've passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them
if they don't remember -
a moment face to face
in some revolving door?

perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?
a curt "wrong number" caught in the receiver? -
but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.

They'd be amazed to hear
that Chance has been toying with them now for years.
Not quite ready yet
to become their Destiny.

It pushed them close,
drove them apart,
It barred their path,
stifling a laugh and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals,
even if they couldn't read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago,
or just last Tuesday,
a certain leaf fluttered from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up.
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished into childhood's thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells
where one touch had covered another beforehand.
Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night, perhaps, the same dream,
grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning
is only a sequel after all.
And the book of events
is always open halfway through.

argh!!!! end of hols!!!!

man its the end of my hols!! cant believe it..i've actually done ZERO studying..man..im either damn godlike now or im on my way to disaster

bought my long-awaited plastic ball last thurs..took some time to get used to it..but not bad..i bowled a high game of 200 on fri! =D feels great!

bought another long-awaited phone earlier today..costed a bomb but..it was just too tempting! the stock will only arrive on tuesday..oh well..just hope its a good buy..and not some impulse act i would regret..

i realise..i'd never smiled like this for a veryyy longggg timeee..

hur hur

5days of recess had passed already..and i havent got to do any studying yet..had been breeding my virtual pet in spore lately

went to school today for a photoshoot..and there was this someone..whose smile had such a striking resemblence..

doesn't really pay to have a good memory at times..

another emo post

argh just can't believe how much i was affected after typing everything out 2 days ago..

there's this saying "we are what the past has made us"..perhaps some of my peculiar habits now can be explained by that..

i can no longer get close to anyone else now..it's not a matter of feeling vulnerable or what not..but i guess..i'm just hoping for a spark to trigger off a miracle..a sharp twist in fate..

then again..miracles are called miracles because they won't happen..

yume..

had a weird dream last night..was dreaming about the possibility of going back into the past and changing decisions..

in butterfly effect..it was stated that a small change in the past may escalate into a very major shift in the future..but in the dream..it was just changing of a small path..while keeping the others at parallel..hmm..

must be the alcohol yesterday

...

restarted my keyboard lessons today..and man i sure had a hard time trying to catch up..hadn't been exactly playing with my keyboard since my lessons ended in june..only occasionally trying to play the True Tears piece that i got online..the leap from the 2nd phase to the 3rd phase is indeed hugeeeeee..my fingers and forearms are so damn sore from practice..zzz..

met up with some of my ex-army colleagues for dinner after that..then went to this place to chill after dinner..quite cool..there's no cover charge or anything..we just ordered drinks and could sit around and sing the karaoke if we wanted..quite a nice place to chill actually..tho' the drinks were a bit expensive..but i quite like the white wine..

during our stay there..there was a time when a couple was dueting this song..brought back some nice memories..i remembered clearly..MANY YEARS AGO..i had a chalet after collection of o-level results..then on the last day i left early in the morning as i had to attend a student council investiture..after which i joined back my friends at a ktv..over there when i arrived i actually sat beside her..then there was this singing of a duet song..i actually wanted to sing with her..but sigh..don't know how come the other girl picked up the mic..nevertheless i just continued with the song..after that she picked up the mic and started singing..and i still do remember her actually leaning her back towards me..like using me as a backrest..i really didn't mind..but damn..why couldn't i see how things were then..

and typing that part of the post just triggered a series of other scenes..the first dance i had with her during d&d; the sunrise that we were supposed to watch but ended up waiting at the wrong spot; the trip to supper together although she wasn't feeling well; the scarf that was put around my neck to console me when i was damn furious; the dentist trips whereby she would wait patiently outside for me as she's scared of dentists; the 1st movie we watched together where i think she was very bored but accompanied me so that i could see elva; the calls i get on my mobile during midnights as she was afraid to walk back home alone; the personality tests that we would do together at times; the horoscopes that she would read to me from magazines; the races we had done online to see who could do ten year series faster; the gossips she would tell me about her friends; the little cute picture sms'es that i would receive randomly from her..which there was one i particularly liked it a lot..but i lost it during a phone transition..and she kept it and sent it back to me on my 16th birthday; the strawberry lollipop that she bought for me when i was feeling down; the channel that we created..which she suggested it to be named after a movie that was airing on tv that weekend; the private messages i would receive from her when i suddenly became quiet in our channel; the rodent-ish nicknames we gave each other after one of her friends made fun of her and i had to stand up for her; the x'mas cards that she pretended to not include me in her mailing lists; the little jigsaw handphone strap that she went through quite some trouble getting; the photos whereby she was supposed to develop extras for the class..but ended up only helping me develop an extra set; the time i had to beg for the polaroid camera from another classmate so that i could take a shot with her at the last official day of school; the spectacle which i fixed for her when someone stepped on it; the nights whereby we exchanged sms'es till either of us fall asleep; the day she asked me to be her shifu..

so many memories..

yet..

perhaps..

i should say sorry..

i think..i really ruined something beautiful at that time..

but i don't exactly have the courage to now..

and i guess..

she has already forgotten everything..

man..i really miss her..

the her i've known since 7 years ago..

damn..why did it end up like this..

yawn..

busy week..had forensic sci quiz on wed..MAF celebrations on thurs..and a bbq just now..

lets do some reporting chronologically..wed..man that stupid quiz..i think i made a mistake..there goes my hope of full marks..roar!

thursday..attended the mid-autumn festival celebrations..man the food sucked..the variety of the food sucked..the quantity wasn't adequate..and the committee members..omg..their efficiency was next to zero..got damn pissed at the end of the celebs.. came home yesterday night after that..i went straight to lie on my bed..and i just concussed there until this morning..a slurpus 13hrs of sleep..but i guess it still isn't enough..i'm still feeling sleepy now..

today..after tutorials i walked past the quadrangle..and i saw the physics department's festival..there were SO MUCH FOOD..and SO MANY VARIETIES..which made me think..how can a DIVISION's celebration be this much more grand than a FACULTY's celebration? bloody committee..you guys better wake up before i flame this on some other forums..spit! attended my bbq after that..didn't really mix around..guess i'm really turning into an anti-social being..guess i can live in silence afterall..just sat around watching movies throughout the event

now..looking on the bright side..finally recess week is here! the time has come to recover all my lost sleep! but then again..i have to get some revision done..man i cannot believe how weak my maths and physics are now..

5cm/s?

it's 4am..and today marks the start of the 7th week! the last week of the term!

oh man i can't believe my recess week is finally within grasp! i desire for my much needed rest!

went out just now to get my tutorials done..saw my jiejie during dinner..gosh don't know how long have i not met her..we used to be very close back in secondary school..when IRC was still a common word used..i remembered us having a few channels together that time..from #webdesign to #life.of.delusions, then to #delusional..after which there also was a #bitched..lol..

then there was also MUD..her pyromancer was always sucking my dragon's money..and always running out of stamina to cast spells..after she quitted mud-ing..she passed me her pyro..which i had a very hard time training..was supposed to try to HM it..but i ended up giving up..human mages were really weak in the game as opposed to drow mages, and pyromancers were especially hard to train due to the huge amount of fire-immunes around..man..really missed those days..

but i guess it's really true that when people go on their separate ways..the bonds between them tend to drift as well..we didn't really get to talk much the moment she entered the jc-phase..oh well..

another wasted day

super unfruitful day.

4.30am - fell asleep
9.00am - woke up as contractors came over to check some leakage problems
10am - fell asleep again
12 noon - woke up to eat breakfast
12.30pm - played ff4
3.00pm - fell asleep
6.00pm - woke up, continued to play ff4
7.30pm - watched tv
8.30pm - had dinner
9.00pm - continued my ff4
10.30pm - fell asleep again
1.00am - woke up again, sitting here typing my post

can't believe it..im sleeping more and more with each passing day

ok as a side note! at least my twin was very helpful today! we were chatting earlier on today..and she went to help me source for some information, which according to her, was done in a way that's not her style..hahhaa..ok la at least now i see that actually she does have her good points..instead of cursing at me everyday..hahaha

enlightenment!

i had just deduced the reason why i am still unable to shake off my habit of sputtering profanities - its 'cos that im mixing around with a VERY WRONG female company. generally, most people usually become more careful with their words in front of their female counterparts. apparently the one im mixing around with..has the same potent language as me..which explains why i have still not been tamed yet!

so to this BAD INFLUENCE..please hor..you should know what you need to do now..go find me the company that i deserve..hahahaha

before i forget..

hmm..before i forget..si twin! it's all your fault! it didn't turn out as planned! roar!! =(

beauty sleep

man it feels great to be back home! had a wonderful LONG sleep..fell asleep last night around 11pm..and woke up at 12noon today..hahaha..supposed to go school to crash the 0930-1130 111 lecture and 1330-1530 113 lecture..but i felt that recovering my lost sleep was more important!

met up with kr for lunch after i woke up..his last lunch in sg before he flies back to UK later on tonight. came back around 3.30..and i continued sleeping until 9.30pm..so that's a total of 19hrs of sleep for the whole of today! man i feel so rejuvenated!

now looking at my schedule..here's what's upcoming for me:

wed - forensic science mid term..zzz
thurs - spms mid autumn festival celebrations..though i doubt many people will turn up as a vast majority of them have 111 mid terms on friday..
fri - some bbq event..but not exactly very motivated to go 'cos i just found out some new info..
sat - start of RECESS WEEK!
sun - school festival at some school in west coast!

ok i guess the real fun starts at the end of the coming week..7 more days to go!

lol stupid twin

ahh..was just bitching around with my stupid twin..found a new NICE background to share in msn with her..yet she was there commenting that although it's nice..it must be from some anime..i mean roar! what's wrong with anime art..as long as its nice it serves its purpose! and to this stupid thing, please feel more honored that you're the ONLY one with a custom background and custom color scheme in my msn! now i must get used to the pink color she chose..

don't know why she has something against the cat..roar! when i asked her for reasons..the reply i got was "i m a girl leh. girls can dun like another person for no reason." -.- cannot stand her..hahhaha..but ok looking at the fact that she actually wished me good luck..hmm..i suppose there can be some nice sides to her as well..

to end it off..attention twin! just remember what we just said! you better hope everything turns out well or i'll start blaming you again!

retro music

suddenly felt like listening to That Thing You Do! by The Wonders..hmm..after which i went to wiki the song..and found out that actually The Wonders is a fictional band! the song was actually performed by 2 guys..man can't believe i'd been kept in the dark for so long!

anyway..there were several other songs featured in their website..it just brings back so many memories listening to them..

since i'm at it..i find that humans are akin to music - when we listen to a piece of music/song for the first time..the first impression that the song gives us is actually the melody, harmony and arrangement of the song..only if we like the tune then would we read deeper into the song's lyrics and understand it.. pretty much like how humans work - the first impression we get on another person is very much the appearance and physical attributes..like the tune of music..and if we're comfortable with them and get closer to them..we will begin finding out more about their character and personality..the equivalent of lyrics in songs.

just my two cents worth.

/me looks around.

('-' ) ( '-') (·_· ) ( ·_·) (._. ) ( ._.)

scrolled up..down..left..right..
looked up..down..left..right..
nope..u ain't around..

argh..can't concentrate

i've been trying to get some studying done..but apparently i cant exactly concentrate at home..i ended up rewatching the whole Myself;Yourself series again. i still got shocked at the same point as when i first watched it..even though i had already anticipated the event..gosh..

although this is the second time i'm watching the series, it still managed to touch me and i thoroughly enjoyed it..perhaps because it's one of the more plot- and reality-driven animes around.. as i watched the whole series in one shot this time round, i realised that actually throughout each episode there were many subtle details that i missed when i watched them previously on a weekly basis..small minor details that actually describe and define the different characters in the show.

one of the details i noticed was the piano notes when Sana played the Myself;Yourself piece in one of the episodes..i went to try out after that..but apparently something sounds wrong..roar..must be that the artist didn't get the keys correct! and until now..i am only able to get the chords and notes for the OP theme..but not the Myself;Yourself piece that was played by him..sigh!

and actually, i realised my personality was in fact quite similar to Nanaka's - in that we would always be constantly worrying yet afraid to ask anything about it..

i really do recommend this series to those who like romance-comedy shows..but please do note that the later half of the series starts to get a little dark as the characters' plots develop..

to end of..here's a quote from prologue of one of the episodes..

"the scenery and buildings of the town have changed much in the last five years. during that time, i, and the people around me, have changed as well. it's not something that we can do anything about. not everything that has changed is bad though. but, there are things that i wish had never changed. there are things that i wished stayed the way they were forever... ...like the things inside the memories of my childhood."

some quotes

suddenly just felt like quoting some stuffs..

"the you inside me is always crying. i believed you wanted me to wipe away your tears. but..i never expereinced the tenderness of wiping the tears from your face."

~~~~

"you can't just take anyone's tears. you can only take tears from people dear to you. you'll be able to take away their tears."

~~~~

"i feel like crying now. i wonder why. i'm not even sad. but, i really, really feel like crying."

~~~~

"on this earth, there are lots of difficult and painful things. i want to fly away and escape from it all. i want to flap my wings freely. wishing for that would surely be much easier."

~~~~

"when do you cry?" "when your heart wavers, i guess."

~~~~

"the kind smile i saw that day, made me falter at the bottom of my heart."

these are taken from true tears..which kinda depict a bit on how i'm feeling now..

hmm..

argh..there's this @*$&#($ feeling inside me..

i guess..somehow..i'm still missing you

weird thoughts

it's bad when you have too much time in your hands - you tend to start thinking about stuffs..

that's what'd happened to me..i had been giving some thought to certain issues lately

i was late for a lecture today..ok not that i'm actually in that module..but still i crashed in hope to refresh my memory and learn some new stuffs that were not taught previously (don't ask me why i was exempted..i seriously have no idea)

which make me start finding that being a scholar sometimes feels just outright sucky, especially when you start noticing that everyone else is working harder than you. it's not that i have anything against them working hard or having different study habits..there's just this..other feeling present that make me tend to hate myself a bit. just by having that title..people will start to have expectations and have competitive comparisons with you..which isn't too bad if you look at it as a form of positive reinforcement..but ultimately..i would still rather set my own achievements and expectations instead of having people speculating all the time.. i really think i still enjoyed my secondary school life/poly life more..there wasn't so much external influences present..i could just set my own pace and goals..without anyone really enforcing any expectations upon me..

honestly speaking, i don't really enjoy being alone, yet at the same time, i do ocassionally feel the urge to just completely be shut out from the world..i think my eq is getting real bad these days due to this paradox..

speaking of paradox..allow me to side track a bit..i was just reading this story which involves some discussion about time-space paradox..apparently inside it was stated that "the book of time has already been written. from a macrocosmic viewpoint, everything that is going to happen has already happened. therefore, if a person from the future participates in a past event, he becomes a part of that event—for the simple reason that he was a part of it in the first place—and a paradox cannot possibly arise." meaning to say if someone had travelled back in time, there should not be any distortions in the time-space reality, as what they did back in the past should have already occurred and that the effects are already in the current future's reality. which led to me thinking, let's say a girl travels back in time..say a couple hundred of years..and gets married. how does the "she" in the future in that case get born? is there some sort of conservation of consciousness in play then? and also, in a more scientific approach, won't there be some sort of DNA issues as..a couple hundred years from now..an exact same DNA will get coded as the girl is being born again? ok please take note i'm not trying to spark off any religious/scientific/whatever argument here..it's just my 2 cents worth..

ok back on track..i feel that i no longer really have someone i can really spill my thoughts to..i used to have quite a few close friends whom i can talk to about anything..but after we went our separate ways..like going different schools and such..we tend to begin to drift apart..reminds me of the anime 5cm/sec that i watched a while back..it's really true that friends tend to start drifting apart as everyone start to pave their own paths in their lives..

amongst which..there was one that i really regretted..we were actually still very close even after we went our separate ways..but i guess after she got attached..i myself started to build a barrier between us as i did not exactly like being a 3rd party or whatever you may call it..and until now..i guess that barrier's still there..we no longer speak so openly with each other..and the replies come in like..eons after i had sent mine..sigh..i just hate myself for not actually just told her how i felt that time..

and finally..as a parting note..i really do hope i didn't shock or scare her yesterday..i honestly just wanted to know someone new..

wonderful!

today marks the day i officially get to know someone new from my school..though not from my course. come to think of it..it took me exactly 1 month to get a new friend..cool..

Mark of 2nd Month

4th sep..marks the start of the 2nd month of school..seriously i am still not in the study mood yet..

been super tired lately..i think i have already achieved a state whereby i can just fall asleep anywhere..even while standing on the bus/train

been doing some thinking lately..i was really surprised how come i got to know people in sec sch/poly, but unable to do so here..perhaps i've become more antisocial..or its just a uni culture that everyone is just interested in doing their own things..

it's a thursday today..and..thursdays..are just wonderful! i get to go home! and perhaps..i may even end up with some bonus in school later..if i am that lucky..but i've more or less already given up on fate

to end my post..i shall quote something i'd just read from dandelion girl

"it also demonstrated that far from being an impediment, knowledge is an asset to feminine charm."

i think its very true..at least to me..there's something about witty girls that exert a gravitational pull

random rants

finally got my own laptop over the weekend..a nice sexy sleek vaio sr12g..only downside..there ain't any red-colored models

collected my figurines too..my wave kagami, figumate shana's and lucky star jigsaw puzzle..was still pondering whether to purchase the wave tsukasa..but i didnt see any at the shops i went to..weird..

met up with kenneth and weida on fri, kr then zx and co on sat, and finally ahmad and andy on sun..did some catching up with them. felt happy for both zj and ahmad as they had managed to get jobs..

another week of school is upcoming..im still not exactly in the mood for school..the quiz that just past..i believed i could've done better..but shit happens i suppose..

realised that actually cat's attached too..which leads to 3 probable semi-logical reasons i can come up with:
1) a certain 2-yr event whereby green is a common colour slowed me down and ruined my life
2) my affinity for attached girls is increasing
3) i have more luck with rodents

maybe now..i should rewire my brain a bit..but before that..i need some form of motivation